Friday, January 16, 2009

The Price We Pay

Have you ever done something that you knew was outside of God's will for your life? I mean, it's one thing to do something because you didn't realize it wasn't right for you. But it's an entirely different thing to knowingly do something that God is not pleased with. Let me go ahead and break it down.


Now that I got that out of the way, let me tell you a story. Picture it....

I came from a wholesome, God fearing family. I accepted Christ in the pardon of my sins at a very young age (I didn't get delivered until years later, but that's another story for a different day). I made good grades throughout school and graduated in the academically gifted program, all the while maintaining a healthy social life. That's still me today. I'm about my business for the most part, but I love hanging out with friends and being out and about. I said ALL THAT to say that I'm well-rounded. You know...the type of woman that men take home to mama...and let me just say, for the record, I've never met a mother that didn't like me.

I've always had conflicting taste in men. See, I'll only get serious about this guy....

But I secretly have a thing for this type...

Trouble is, I can't take that guy home to the family. The other problem is that my brother was that type (may he rest in peace). So, I know that that lifestyle will only get you locked up, dead, or both and I don't want to have to bury my boyfriend, fiance, or husband...........and I FA SHO ain't the one to be being faithful to a man doing 15 to life. Anyway, this is a story about my relationship with a guy I will affectionately refer to as Tyson.

I 1st met Tyson a couple of years ago...he's a relative of a friend (1st mistake). He was cool and everything, but I never gave him a second look since he was 1st of all related to my home girl and 2nd of all was 2 years younger than me (2nd mistake). Well, one day, we were hanging out and she "randomly" threw it out there that he had a crush on me. I thought it was cute, but paid it no attention at all. I mean...this was not a distant relative of hers....this was a CLOSE relative and I would hate to fall out with a friend because I broke her younger relative's heart. A few months later, she "randomly" threw it out there that if I WAS interested in him, she (as his relative) wouldn't have a problem with us dating. I now know that she was setting the thing up the whole time because ever since that day, I couldn't go to her house and chill without Ty being there. I mean seriously...if she and I were hanging out, at some point, we were going to cross paths with him. He finally got up the nerve to ask me if he could call me and the more I talked to him, the more I got to know him. As it turned out, even though he was into this...

and carried a one of these...

he was actually a sweetheart who was into walks along the canal, good conversation, and holding hands. I mean...a real "flowers-and-candy" type of guy who had been cheated on by his ex. We became good friends, and as long as it was just that...everything was good. Problem is, the more time we spent together, the more we actually started to have real feelings for each other. We had a magnetic attraction....I was the positive charge and he was the negative.

And I mean that literally....I couldn't stay away from him. We went on like this for a few months. Then I started hearing God tell me that this was not what he had for me. Now I don't know about y'all, but when God speaks directly to me about something, I don't feel right until I move on whatever it is he spoke to me about. So, I broke it off with him citing "irreconcilable differences". He was upset about it, but respected my decision, and that was it...or so I thought. I knew I made the right decision but I missed him....heck, even cried for him. But instead of trusting the word from The Lord as it came to me.....I did what Eve did in the Garden of Eden...I had a meeting with the devil and didn't invite God to it!

Allow me to refresh your memory for a second...

God told Adam, "but you must not eat the fruit from the tree which gives the knowledge of good and evil. If you ever eat fruit from that tree, you will die!" (Genesis 2:17) Eve knew this. But what did she do? She had a meeting with the Devil

And it went a little something like this

1 Now the snake was the most clever of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day the snake said to the woman, "Did God really say that you must not eat fruit from any tree in the garden?"
2 The woman answered the snake, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden.
3 But God told us, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden. You must not even touch it, or you will die.' "
4 But the snake said to the woman, "You will not die.
5 God knows that if you eat the fruit from that tree, you will learn about good and evil and you will be like God!"
6 The woman saw that the tree was beautiful, that its fruit was good to eat, and that it would make her wise. So she took some of its fruit and ate it. She also gave some of the fruit to her husband who was with her, and he ate it.
~Genesis 3:1-6

We ALL know what happened after that! And if you don't know you can find out here.
My meeting with the devil took the same course. The conversation went a little something like this.

Devil: Hey Mik, did God tell you that you COULDN'T have Tyson in your life at all?
Mikki: God told me to stay away from him.
Devil: But he didn't say you couldn't just be friends with him...did he?
Mikki: Well, not exactly.....but in so many words...
Devil: Well if he didn't say that exactly, then he didn't mean that. He just meant romantically......he doesn't want you to be ROMANTICALLY involved with Ty. He knows how much you care about Ty and how unhappy you are without him. Do you really think God wants you to be unhappy?
Mikki: Well I guess not. I guess one phone call won't hurt.

I had no idea how wrong I was. Let the record show that ONE PHONE CALL CAN HURT! Before I knew it, we were picking up right where we left off. And while my flesh was happy, my spiritual man was dehydrated. It's hard to be close to God when you are deliberately disobeying him. And since disobedience aborts the promises of God in your life, I felt myself getting farther and farther away from my destiny. But I STILL wasn't sure if I wanted to let him go. I mean...I had fallen for him. I wasn't even interested in anyone else. So this is how the story ended...

He, all of a sudden, became very insecure about my feelings for him. He was always saying he didn't know what I saw in him and questioning whether or not I actually cared for him. Now to a certain extent, this was to be expected because of the broken heart he was carrying around from his previous relationship. But after a while, I got tired of trying to convince him that I wasn't playing games with him. One day, he asked me to move in with him and after some thought (yes, I seriously thought about it!), I declined. Well, I guess that was the last straw. He decided that it was his time to move on, because in his mind...we were going nowhere. And with was over.

I knew that God had strategically removed him from my life, and I knew I had some repenting to do. How could I have deliberately disobeyed God? Why didn't I trust God enough to do what he said? How could I have let the devil get in my head like that? Why was satisfying my flesh more important than staying on the path God distinctly mapped out for me? Thank you God for delivering me from that because I was on my way OUT of the will of God completely.

The moral of the story? When the devil starts talking to you, invite God to the meeting! Don't let the devil control the conversation. All you have to do is say the name of Jesus. It's that simple.

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