I've always prided myself on being extremely loyal to the people I love. If you took a poll among all the people I consider friends, you wouldn't find one that would say I haven't been a good friend. I'm not saying that for a 'Hero Cookie'. I'm saying it because it's true. Once, I allow a person to be a part of my life, there are very few things that person can do to make me abandon them.
That being said, I've been struggling lately because I've been feeling the need to completely cut some people out of my life... some of which have been friends of mine for years and years. For that reason, I feel very guilty for not wanting them in my life anymore. But the truth is that we no longer have anything in common. And, to be perfectly honest, they haven't been nearly as good of friends to me as I've been to them in recent years.
So why do I feel guilty? I guess part of the guilt comes from my need to protect and look after the people I love. And the other part of the guilt probably comes from the fact that I can still remember, although vaguely at best, a time when they were good friends to me.... I mean, REALLY, good friends to me. Part of me is waiting for those days to return. The other part of me knows that they never will.
That part of me knows that seasons have changed. Trying to maintain friendships that are no longer in season can become really toxic to you, really fast. And that's what it comes down to: The pressure of being a good friend to people that have not been good friends to me, combined with the guilt I feel for "leaving" them (which actually, probably, stem from my own abandonment issues.... but that's another days journey), plus, the disappointment I feel every time they let me down has become a deadly cocktail. It's killing me. It's like Kryptonite to my emotions. It's completely draining me.
So, I've been praying that God will either send these people on their way or give me the wisdom to know how to separate myself and the strength to actually do it. It's time.
Every once in a while, I'll be having a conversation with someone, and something they say will trigger a childhood memory. I had one of those moments, just now, while talking to The BFF... and, suddenly, I felt super inspired to share it with you guys. Now, Momz is gonna kill me for telling y'all this story. But hey...
Anybody who knows my Momz knows how much pride she takes in her gardening. I mean, I have to give it to her. Momz used to get out there EARLY in the morning to water the grass and the flowers. She, personally, planted every last flower you see in our front yard, laid every brick you see around the flower beds, and hand spread all that mulch. Needless to say, she's extra protective about the yard. So, all hell broke loose when, one late summer, a mole invaded our front lawn. And this was no ordinary mole... THIS mug was a beast. He was tearing the whole yard up. I'm telling you. Our yard normally looks like this...
But we woke up one morning, and it looked like this....
So, you already KNOW.... Momz was flipping out! She started obsessing over the mole and coming up with different ways to take it out the game. It was crazy! Now, mind you, I was probably around 9 and my bro was about 13. So, we were kids. I was still a just a little kid. I need you to keep that in mind in order to completely understand the heaviness of what I'm about to tell you. LoL
It was early one morning. School had just started back and Momz was about to get us to school so that she could get to work. As my brother and I were standing on the side of the car, which was parked right in front of the house, we saw Momz come out of the front door. She locked and came down the sidewalk. Then, she spotted him. She saw the mole. He was on the lawn...chillin. He probably had just woke up. He was out there stretching and getting the paper. LoL
He couldn't have had worse timing. Momz was on a mission. He had no idea what was about to hit him...literally. She told my brother, to run in the back yard and get the shovel...and hurry up. So he went to get the shovel. Whole time, Momz stood there and never took her eye off that mole. I didn't know what to expect. My bro gave her the shovel and she slowly walked over to the mole. I mean, crept up on him... Do you hear me?.... And then... She took that shovel... a shovel just like this one...
...and she BEAT that mole to death right in front of us like it was nothing! She had to to have hit that mug at least 15 times. Then she made my bro come and take the shovel back to the shed, got in the car, and took us to school like nothing even happened. HAAAAAA!
I. Was. TRAUMATIZED!
Ever since then... We knew my Momz was crazy. My bro used to say he knew before that. That might be true, but that was my first experience with crazy Momz. I was afraid of crazy Momz....still am. LoL.
Anyway.... just a random childhood memory. I'm sure they'll be plenty more to come. LoL
I know it's been a minute....but I'm back!!! Thanks for being patient with me.
I never knew how many people actually read my blog until I quit blogging. Some people actually asked me when I was going to post again. It made me feel really good to know that some people actually read my stuff. Real talk, thank you! Leave me a comment or something every now and then. I want to know you were here.
But ummm...enough of that...
Just because I haven't been posting, doesn't mean I haven't been writing. So be looking out for more posts more often. LoL...I've got some stuff built up. Again, thanks for reading!
Essentially Mikki is about the real life experiences of a young woman trying to put the word of God 1st. If you are reading E.M., it's because you were invited to be a reader of E.M. It is my hope that in reading, you will be encouraged and inspired or at the very least....have a good time. The thoughts, experiences, and opinions expressed here are those of the author. This is the world through my eyes and I'm so glad that you have taken the time to check it out. However, if you are offended by realness and truth, have no since of humor, dispise randomness, or all of the above.....this is not the place for you. Enjoy!
I am, 1st of all, a servant of God... Second of all, I'm Mikki. It takes a long time to know what all that entails, but this blog is about the closest you'll get. It's here that I express my innermost thoughts and feelings. It's here that you will find what is, essentially, Mikki.