Thursday, March 12, 2009

Honesty ALWAYS the best policy?

You remember that song by Lyfe Jennings, "Hypothetically"? I LOVE that song. If you don't know it or don't remember it, you can find it below...courtesy of YouTube.

Have you ever kept a secret from your significant other? I don't mean just any ol secret like that time you accidentally bleached their favorite shirt and hid the evidence by throwing it away in a dumpster down the street then "helped" them look for it when they declared it missing. LoL....maybe that was just me. But no...I'm talking about the kind of secret that can ruin a relationship. For example, say you're in long term least 3 years. You've been unfaithful to this person in the past. However, they never caught you and you've been faithful to them ever since. Is it ok to keep that a secret? I mean, they never found out...probably never will....and you've already decided to never cheat on them again and you haven't? Do they REALLY need to know?

Or how about this....You have a habit that they don't like...smoking weed, drinking, or gambling for example. They don't know that you have this habit and you've done a helluva job keeping it from them for the past 3 years, because you know how they feel about it because you've heard them talk about it negatively and you know how they'd feel if they knew this was a habit of yours. Your habit is not an addiction...just something recreational that you don't see anything wrong with. It's technically not lying to them because they've never come out and asked you about it. Or is it? Is it okay to keep this from your significant other? I mean, if they haven't found out by now...why do you need to tell them. Besides, who knows? You may be ready to give up the habit soon anyway. It's harmless......or is it?

What about this one?...You have an ex that your significant other doesn't know you still keep in contact with. The two of you are just friends and you don't talk everyday, but probably 3 or 4 times a month and every now and then you get together for lunch or dinner. Your significant other is unreasonably jealous of your ex. You know that if you tell him/her that you still talk to your ex every now and then he/she will demand that you stop. But your ex is a good friend and you don't want to have to choose. Is it okay to not mention it to your significant other? After all, it's not like you're cheating on him/her?....or are you?

I have to be honest (no pun intended) and say that I believe that there are some secrets that are meant to be taken to the grave. And in the past, I have kept secrets from my significant other for fear of loosing them if they found out. My personal philosophy has always been this "If it ain't broke...don't be trying to fix it." But I have to be honest about the effect that keeping secrets has had on at least one of my past relationships. It definitely puts distance between you and the other person, especially when it's an ongoing (still in process) secret. I'm kind of torn though. I often feel that what I don't know won't hurt me. I guess it depends on the secret though. As far as cheating goes....if I don't find out, it doesn't bother me. I'm not the type to go through your things looking for signs of a cheater so as long as you keep it out of my face, I don't know about it. That doesn't mean I want to be cheated on. I'm just saying I'm not about to kill myself trying to catch it....but I won't ignore the signs either.

What do you think? Is honesty ALWAYS the best policy?

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