The Tears

Immediately...there were not a lot of tears. But today, I just can't seem to stop crying. I woke up....I cried. On my way to class....I cried. On my way to my car...I cried. Why won't the tears stop? They are making me miserable. This THING is 3 days old now....why is this happening now? Maybe it's the fact that I don't have to work today...so I actually have time to sit down and think about it...

And it hurts....

Like really.....hurts....

I keep wondering why didn't see the signs...or maybe I saw them but chose to ignore them. Yes, he confessed. Yes, he's sorry. Yes, it COULD be worse..........I have considered all of those things. But at the end of the day, the THING remains. It sits on my chest like a ton of bricks, and I'm just carrying it around with me. I tricked myself into believing that if I just stay busy enough, there wouldn't be enough time to think about it. That plan has totally backfired. I've gotten about 10 hours of sleep in the past three days. I keep trying to wear myself out so that by the time I get home and into bed, I'll fall asleep before the thoughts start bouncing off of each other. And I do....until I wake up 2 hours later and find myself staring at the ceiling.

I pray constantly....asking God for direction. Why is he not responding?...or maybe he is and I've been too busy to listen. That's probably what it is. hmph....stupid plan...

Meanwhile....

I'm over here LOVESICK.



My stomach hurts, chest hurts, back is aching.....the thought of the THING literally makes me cringe. And THEN there are the tears that refuse to stop falling. How do get past that? Lord knows I want to. Maybe I can't....or maybe I just won't. ugh...I HATE this.

I know one thing tho...If these tears don't stop, it's gonna be a long two days off.