I spoke to a close friend of mine yesterday. When I say close friend, I mean cradle to the grave close. Her and her dude recently had a baby....a gorgeous little boy. Anyway, she told me that she had some big news for me. So, I'm on the phone salivating with anticipation thinking that whatever it is, it must be juicy. She proceeded to tell me that her dude had proposed to her and that they were getting married....and then there was silence....
I managed to get the words "I'm happy for you" out....and I am. But happy was just one of the emotions that rushed through my body when she gave me the news. The other emotions were anxiety, frustration, and a tad...just a tad....of jealousy. And then there was guilt...the guilt of not being able to be genuinely happy for my homegirl in that moment. I wondered if she could sense the lack of authenticity in my voice when I told her how happy for her I was. It certainly didn't feel natural rolling off my tongue. Then I thought about it, and I realized that she could probably tell the difference. So I leveled with her. I told her that her new engagement just put a mirror in front of my face and made me realize how far I am from where I really want to be. I wanted to go off on a tangent about my tomfoolery of a love life and how I'm not so sure I'll ever find the the ONE, if the ONE will ever find me or, at this point, if there even is a ONE for me. But I felt like the timing was bad so I decided to hold it for another day. LoL
Keeping it real. All I could think was "It's happening". Every woman's fear that she will never admit.......that all her friends will get married and have families before her. I know what you're thinking "Mikki, you're young and beautiful...you have plenty of time." Well, thanks for the compliment. (LoL) And you're right. I am young (and beautiful...let's not forget beautiful). And by the world's standards, I have plenty of time. But by my personal clock...I'm way behind schedule....and not just on the marriage thing but career wise too. It made me realize that I have fallen off of my game and I need to get back on it.
So I guess a little jealousy in this case was a good thing...cuz I'm definitely feeling motivated again.
That's my word and I'm out....
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Welcome Back Whitney!
Did you see her performance on the American Music Awards? Check it out...
Excellence...
I am so excited that she is making music again. I'm not going to lie, I was a little skeptical at first and kind of drug my feet on getting the album. I finally purchased it last week and so far, I like it. I'll have to listen to it a little longer in order to really formulate an opinion. Judging by this performance at the AMA's I think it's safe to say...WELCOME BACK WHITNEY!!!
Excellence...
I am so excited that she is making music again. I'm not going to lie, I was a little skeptical at first and kind of drug my feet on getting the album. I finally purchased it last week and so far, I like it. I'll have to listen to it a little longer in order to really formulate an opinion. Judging by this performance at the AMA's I think it's safe to say...WELCOME BACK WHITNEY!!!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Good Morning God
Good morning, God. Thank u for allowing me to see another beautiful day. Thank u for the brand new mercies u r giving me today...u know better than anyone how much I need them. It seems like I find a new way to mess up everyday. Well, God, I've really done it this time. I should have trusted u...instead, I tried to fix it myself...and now look at the damage I've caused. I'm sorry, God. But, more importantly, I'm repenting...I realize that I have to change the way I think...I have to trust you, completely. So, Lord, please help my unbelief. Anyway, remember last year when u spoke to me concerning some ppl in my life? I've been trying to figure out whats wrong with ME for months...trying to figure out y ppl who I've always been ''cool'' with are suddenly giving me the cold shoulder...I was trying to figure out what I did to THEM. Then I remembered the words u spoke through your prophet on 12/31/07...''I'm going to make ppl in ur life transparent. I am going to reveal to u all the ppl around u that lie on u, talk ab u, and speak negative things on ur life. They will be marked by noticable discomfort in ur presence...then they won't be able to stand to be around u at all. But don't worry...u won't lose anything. For every person I remove, I'm going to replace.'' I had forgotten those words until now. But u've done just what u promised. I feel so silly for tripping over it now. And while it hurts to know who those ppl are, I'm thankful for the ppl u've replaced them with....they're awesome. I also thank u for the friends who were real all along...u know who they are. I love them soooo much and I just ask that u continue to keep them physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Thank u for my mom, Lord. She is the most amazing woman in the world to me. She has been through so much....if anybody deserves to be happy, it's Channelle Glover. So, Lord, send peace, joy, lots of laughter, and love her way. Well, Lord...it's time to rock & roll. R u ready? Then I'm ready. I love u, God! Let's get it!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Honesty ALWAYS the best policy?
You remember that song by Lyfe Jennings, "Hypothetically"? I LOVE that song. If you don't know it or don't remember it, you can find it below...courtesy of YouTube.
Have you ever kept a secret from your significant other? I don't mean just any ol secret like that time you accidentally bleached their favorite shirt and hid the evidence by throwing it away in a dumpster down the street then "helped" them look for it when they declared it missing. LoL....maybe that was just me. But no...I'm talking about the kind of secret that can ruin a relationship. For example, say you're in long term relationship...at least 3 years. You've been unfaithful to this person in the past. However, they never caught you and you've been faithful to them ever since. Is it ok to keep that a secret? I mean, they never found out...probably never will....and you've already decided to never cheat on them again and you haven't? Do they REALLY need to know?
Or how about this....You have a habit that they don't like...smoking weed, drinking, or gambling for example. They don't know that you have this habit and you've done a helluva job keeping it from them for the past 3 years, because you know how they feel about it because you've heard them talk about it negatively and you know how they'd feel if they knew this was a habit of yours. Your habit is not an addiction...just something recreational that you don't see anything wrong with. It's technically not lying to them because they've never come out and asked you about it. Or is it? Is it okay to keep this from your significant other? I mean, if they haven't found out by now...why do you need to tell them. Besides, who knows? You may be ready to give up the habit soon anyway. It's harmless......or is it?
What about this one?...You have an ex that your significant other doesn't know you still keep in contact with. The two of you are just friends and you don't talk everyday, but probably 3 or 4 times a month and every now and then you get together for lunch or dinner. Your significant other is unreasonably jealous of your ex. You know that if you tell him/her that you still talk to your ex every now and then he/she will demand that you stop. But your ex is a good friend and you don't want to have to choose. Is it okay to not mention it to your significant other? After all, it's not like you're cheating on him/her?....or are you?
I have to be honest (no pun intended) and say that I believe that there are some secrets that are meant to be taken to the grave. And in the past, I have kept secrets from my significant other for fear of loosing them if they found out. My personal philosophy has always been this "If it ain't broke...don't be trying to fix it." But I have to be honest about the effect that keeping secrets has had on at least one of my past relationships. It definitely puts distance between you and the other person, especially when it's an ongoing (still in process) secret. I'm kind of torn though. I often feel that what I don't know won't hurt me. I guess it depends on the secret though. As far as cheating goes....if I don't find out, it doesn't bother me. I'm not the type to go through your things looking for signs of a cheater so as long as you keep it out of my face, I don't know about it. That doesn't mean I want to be cheated on. I'm just saying I'm not about to kill myself trying to catch it....but I won't ignore the signs either.
What do you think? Is honesty ALWAYS the best policy?
Have you ever kept a secret from your significant other? I don't mean just any ol secret like that time you accidentally bleached their favorite shirt and hid the evidence by throwing it away in a dumpster down the street then "helped" them look for it when they declared it missing. LoL....maybe that was just me. But no...I'm talking about the kind of secret that can ruin a relationship. For example, say you're in long term relationship...at least 3 years. You've been unfaithful to this person in the past. However, they never caught you and you've been faithful to them ever since. Is it ok to keep that a secret? I mean, they never found out...probably never will....and you've already decided to never cheat on them again and you haven't? Do they REALLY need to know?
Or how about this....You have a habit that they don't like...smoking weed, drinking, or gambling for example. They don't know that you have this habit and you've done a helluva job keeping it from them for the past 3 years, because you know how they feel about it because you've heard them talk about it negatively and you know how they'd feel if they knew this was a habit of yours. Your habit is not an addiction...just something recreational that you don't see anything wrong with. It's technically not lying to them because they've never come out and asked you about it. Or is it? Is it okay to keep this from your significant other? I mean, if they haven't found out by now...why do you need to tell them. Besides, who knows? You may be ready to give up the habit soon anyway. It's harmless......or is it?
What about this one?...You have an ex that your significant other doesn't know you still keep in contact with. The two of you are just friends and you don't talk everyday, but probably 3 or 4 times a month and every now and then you get together for lunch or dinner. Your significant other is unreasonably jealous of your ex. You know that if you tell him/her that you still talk to your ex every now and then he/she will demand that you stop. But your ex is a good friend and you don't want to have to choose. Is it okay to not mention it to your significant other? After all, it's not like you're cheating on him/her?....or are you?
I have to be honest (no pun intended) and say that I believe that there are some secrets that are meant to be taken to the grave. And in the past, I have kept secrets from my significant other for fear of loosing them if they found out. My personal philosophy has always been this "If it ain't broke...don't be trying to fix it." But I have to be honest about the effect that keeping secrets has had on at least one of my past relationships. It definitely puts distance between you and the other person, especially when it's an ongoing (still in process) secret. I'm kind of torn though. I often feel that what I don't know won't hurt me. I guess it depends on the secret though. As far as cheating goes....if I don't find out, it doesn't bother me. I'm not the type to go through your things looking for signs of a cheater so as long as you keep it out of my face, I don't know about it. That doesn't mean I want to be cheated on. I'm just saying I'm not about to kill myself trying to catch it....but I won't ignore the signs either.
What do you think? Is honesty ALWAYS the best policy?
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Hurt people hurt people.
I've never considered myself to be a baggage carrier. I guess the truth is that I like to believe I'm stronger than I am. It's kind of a defense mechanism. I've always felt that if people knew what bothered or hurt me...they would use that knowledge against me to inflict emotional pain on me. So in the past, I have had a tendency to deal with my hurt by not dealing with it at all. The trouble with that is this: when you don't deal with the hurt that you feel...you simply carry it around with you everywhere you go. You take it from one relationship to the next, each time taking on a new bag full of issues to carry. Until you wake up one day and realize that you have become this...
wounded and tired from carrying all that baggage around.
That was me two and a half years ago. I had recently lost my boyfriend of five years (let's call him DeWayne) and it felt like my life was falling apart at carefully reinforced seams. I was completely lost and an absolute mess. My heart was broken and I was hurting. It was not a time to get involved with someone else....but I did. In fact, I got involved with several someone elses. I was a one woman search crew looking for the love that I had lost. In the process, there were a few people that came into my life healthy, happy, and ready to love.......but they left my life wounded, depressed, and guarded. Keith was one of those people.
Keith was an all around good guy. Worked hard, went to school, loved God and loved me. He was a family man for the most part. All he really wanted was to be with me and for me to want to be with him in return. He was the kind you take home to meet the family. So what was the problem?
At the time, it seemed like everything. He was too clingy. He came on too strong. He called me too much. He texted me too much. He wanted to spend too much time with me. He didn't understand me.....blah blah blah. Although I didn't realize it at the time, I kept finding things wrong with him because my heart was somewhere else. Don't get me wrong, I had love for Keith. But because I hadn't dealt with my own hurt, I ended up hurting him. I pushed him away when all he really wanted was to be with me. I made him think it was his fault that I left him when really, it was my own issues that wouldn't let me love him the way he loved me. For that, I am sorry. He didn't deserve to be treated that way. I left him confused and insecure and without any real reason as to why.
The point is, I carried the hurt from DeWayne into the relationship with Keith. That wasn't fair to Keith or me. Not only did I cheat Keith out of a real chance to pursue the love he felt for me, but I cheated myself out happiness. If you are hurting, or you have issues that you are carrying around with you....deal with that hurt and those issues before you get involved with someone new. You owe it to yourself and that "someone new". Don't enter something new carrying old baggage. It doesn't work and all you end up doing is using your hurt to hurt someone else then that person hurts someone else, and so on. Give yourself time to heal. Don't jump from one situation to the next without cleaning up the mess first. That's how people get hurt.
This is for Keith...
I'm sorry for the hurt that I caused you. I'm sorry for letting you think that you were the cause of us breaking up when it was really me. I'm sorry for leaving you broken and making you feel like you weren't good enough. I'm sorry for any feelings of inadequacy or insecurity that my actions brought upon you. It wasn't you, it was me. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but even if you never do. I'm still sorry. ~Mikki
I feel like Jazmine Sullivan wrote this song for me...
For those of you who don't have audio...here are the lyrics...
If I could... could forget him
I would... please believe me
And I know that I should throw the towel in
But baby it's not... not that easy
You treat me so much better than him
And if I was sane there'd be no competition
But... but I'm in love with someone else
And I'm so sorry
I'm in love with another man
And I know it aint right
You should go and find someone else
Who can treat you right
Give you the world
Someone who understands the man you are
Cause baby you shine so bright
And I would just dim your star
A girl who'll treat you like you treat them
Boy I know there's plenty women
Who would love to have a man like you
But I'm in love with someone else...
I'm so sorry baby
I know I aint right... no no no no no no
For what I did to you baby
I can't explain why it's him and not you
But at the end of the day baby I just don't want to
Cause he aint no doctor
And we always seem to fight, he got the perfect body
And sometimes he don't even treat me right
Oh but when I'm with him, but when I'm with him
When I'm with him, aint nobody else like it
I'm so sorry baby that I have to do this to you
But I can't go on pretending...
Cause I love him, I love him
And I'm so sorry... do you hear me?
I'm so sorry but I love that man
I love that man...
He aint always right , but he's just right for me
I'm in love with another man... and I'm so sorry...
But I love someone else...
wounded and tired from carrying all that baggage around.
That was me two and a half years ago. I had recently lost my boyfriend of five years (let's call him DeWayne) and it felt like my life was falling apart at carefully reinforced seams. I was completely lost and an absolute mess. My heart was broken and I was hurting. It was not a time to get involved with someone else....but I did. In fact, I got involved with several someone elses. I was a one woman search crew looking for the love that I had lost. In the process, there were a few people that came into my life healthy, happy, and ready to love.......but they left my life wounded, depressed, and guarded. Keith was one of those people.
Keith was an all around good guy. Worked hard, went to school, loved God and loved me. He was a family man for the most part. All he really wanted was to be with me and for me to want to be with him in return. He was the kind you take home to meet the family. So what was the problem?
At the time, it seemed like everything. He was too clingy. He came on too strong. He called me too much. He texted me too much. He wanted to spend too much time with me. He didn't understand me.....blah blah blah. Although I didn't realize it at the time, I kept finding things wrong with him because my heart was somewhere else. Don't get me wrong, I had love for Keith. But because I hadn't dealt with my own hurt, I ended up hurting him. I pushed him away when all he really wanted was to be with me. I made him think it was his fault that I left him when really, it was my own issues that wouldn't let me love him the way he loved me. For that, I am sorry. He didn't deserve to be treated that way. I left him confused and insecure and without any real reason as to why.
The point is, I carried the hurt from DeWayne into the relationship with Keith. That wasn't fair to Keith or me. Not only did I cheat Keith out of a real chance to pursue the love he felt for me, but I cheated myself out happiness. If you are hurting, or you have issues that you are carrying around with you....deal with that hurt and those issues before you get involved with someone new. You owe it to yourself and that "someone new". Don't enter something new carrying old baggage. It doesn't work and all you end up doing is using your hurt to hurt someone else then that person hurts someone else, and so on. Give yourself time to heal. Don't jump from one situation to the next without cleaning up the mess first. That's how people get hurt.
This is for Keith...
I'm sorry for the hurt that I caused you. I'm sorry for letting you think that you were the cause of us breaking up when it was really me. I'm sorry for leaving you broken and making you feel like you weren't good enough. I'm sorry for any feelings of inadequacy or insecurity that my actions brought upon you. It wasn't you, it was me. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but even if you never do. I'm still sorry. ~Mikki
I feel like Jazmine Sullivan wrote this song for me...
For those of you who don't have audio...here are the lyrics...
If I could... could forget him
I would... please believe me
And I know that I should throw the towel in
But baby it's not... not that easy
You treat me so much better than him
And if I was sane there'd be no competition
But... but I'm in love with someone else
And I'm so sorry
I'm in love with another man
And I know it aint right
You should go and find someone else
Who can treat you right
Give you the world
Someone who understands the man you are
Cause baby you shine so bright
And I would just dim your star
A girl who'll treat you like you treat them
Boy I know there's plenty women
Who would love to have a man like you
But I'm in love with someone else...
I'm so sorry baby
I know I aint right... no no no no no no
For what I did to you baby
I can't explain why it's him and not you
But at the end of the day baby I just don't want to
Cause he aint no doctor
And we always seem to fight, he got the perfect body
And sometimes he don't even treat me right
Oh but when I'm with him, but when I'm with him
When I'm with him, aint nobody else like it
I'm so sorry baby that I have to do this to you
But I can't go on pretending...
Cause I love him, I love him
And I'm so sorry... do you hear me?
I'm so sorry but I love that man
I love that man...
He aint always right , but he's just right for me
I'm in love with another man... and I'm so sorry...
But I love someone else...
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Wanna Go In? Peace and Favor
Feel like going in? Here you go! Make sure you have someone around to hold your mule while you shout!!!! LOL Enjoy! Kurt Carr has once again proven himself to be the best praise song writer! And the singers are beasting it!
Kurt Carr with the Kurt Carr Singers "Peace and Favor Rest On Us". This is the lead single from the album entitled "Just the Beginning".
Kurt Carr with the Kurt Carr Singers "Peace and Favor Rest On Us". This is the lead single from the album entitled "Just the Beginning".
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Are We Shooting Our Wounded?
The other day I had an interesting conversation with a person who said "Christians are the only group that kill their wounded." I was immediately offended by his statement. I mean, this was coming from a guy whose idea of being a Christian consists of praying over meals and going to church three times a year on Christmas, Mother's Day, and Easter. I didn't feel that he was qualified to make that statement. However, that didn't make what he said any less real. The statement bounced around in my head triggering random memories, images, and thoughts. Then it finally landed and sat motionless on my heart....I was convicted about how true it really was.
Having grown up in church, I've seen a LOT. I've seen cliques form and dissipate. I've seen men and women of God rise and fall. But one thing that has always concerned me is how quickly and easily we (as Christians) are able to do away with people when they fall.
Let's talk about Prophetess Juanita Bynum for a minute...
A lot of people that got delivered from her "No More Sheets" sermon and book. Don't act like she didn't have you laying prostrate on your living room floor after seeing her walk around with that sheet tied around her waist. Here's a little sample to refresh your memory.
Back then, we couldn't get enough of Juanita Bynum. Everybody and their mama's mama was talking about how awesome this woman of God was. But what happened? She had some trouble in her marriage and all of a sudden she has lost her credibility. NOW she's a fake, a phony, a false prophet. And why? Because she's human? We got it backwards y'all. Does the fact that she had problems in her marriage make her any less authentic? Let's say all the other rumors about her are true too...just for the sake of argument. Does that change the fact that God has used this woman to bring thousands to Christ? I mean, I know that with ministry comes a higher level of accountability but she is, after all, accountable to Christ right? So why have we already sent her to hell?
Why do we act as though we have a heaven or a hell to put people in? None of us are perfect. We all struggle with something on a daily basis. Mine might be promiscuity, yours might be a cursing tongue, someone else's might be a jealous spirit. The Bible says in the second chapter of James, "For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.”If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker."
So, it's all equally sinful.
If that is true, then the unwed pregnant mother sitting in the congregation is no more sinful than the gossiping choir director, the adulterous deacon that calls the church to worship every Sunday, or the usher that struggles with an alcohol addiction. The Bible says that we should forgive so that we may also be forgiven. But what do we do? We talk about them, we shun them, we want nothing to do with them. We would rather talk at them than talk to them. We would rather beat them up with the word than show them how that word helped you out of the same mess they are in. Don't you think it's time we destraddled the high horse?
Our youth need us! I don't know about y'all, but I'm afraid for our youth. The boys are dropping like flies (dead or jail) and the girls are popping out babies like nobodies business. Why? Because we've been talking AT them and not TO them. We have become so savedsantifiedandfilledwiththeholyghost that we are unapproachable. We don't want to tell them that we've been a drug dealer or user. We don't want to tell them that we've had more sexual partners than we can recall. We don't want to tell them about the baby mama/daddy drama that we've been dealing with. We don't want to tell them what the consequences for our mistakes have been. NO! We want to show them what appears to be a finished product....and then treat them like failures when they can't figure out how to get there. We shoot them....instead of nursing them back to health.
We gotta stop killing off our wounded, because those are the people who are going to bring others to Christ. Maybe when we learn to stop killing off our wounded, people who are bearing their wounds silently won't be afraid to speak up. Someones salvation could be depending on it.
Having grown up in church, I've seen a LOT. I've seen cliques form and dissipate. I've seen men and women of God rise and fall. But one thing that has always concerned me is how quickly and easily we (as Christians) are able to do away with people when they fall.
Let's talk about Prophetess Juanita Bynum for a minute...
A lot of people that got delivered from her "No More Sheets" sermon and book. Don't act like she didn't have you laying prostrate on your living room floor after seeing her walk around with that sheet tied around her waist. Here's a little sample to refresh your memory.
Back then, we couldn't get enough of Juanita Bynum. Everybody and their mama's mama was talking about how awesome this woman of God was. But what happened? She had some trouble in her marriage and all of a sudden she has lost her credibility. NOW she's a fake, a phony, a false prophet. And why? Because she's human? We got it backwards y'all. Does the fact that she had problems in her marriage make her any less authentic? Let's say all the other rumors about her are true too...just for the sake of argument. Does that change the fact that God has used this woman to bring thousands to Christ? I mean, I know that with ministry comes a higher level of accountability but she is, after all, accountable to Christ right? So why have we already sent her to hell?
Why do we act as though we have a heaven or a hell to put people in? None of us are perfect. We all struggle with something on a daily basis. Mine might be promiscuity, yours might be a cursing tongue, someone else's might be a jealous spirit. The Bible says in the second chapter of James, "For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. For he who said, “Do not commit adultery,” also said, “Do not murder.”If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker."
So, it's all equally sinful.
If that is true, then the unwed pregnant mother sitting in the congregation is no more sinful than the gossiping choir director, the adulterous deacon that calls the church to worship every Sunday, or the usher that struggles with an alcohol addiction. The Bible says that we should forgive so that we may also be forgiven. But what do we do? We talk about them, we shun them, we want nothing to do with them. We would rather talk at them than talk to them. We would rather beat them up with the word than show them how that word helped you out of the same mess they are in. Don't you think it's time we destraddled the high horse?
Our youth need us! I don't know about y'all, but I'm afraid for our youth. The boys are dropping like flies (dead or jail) and the girls are popping out babies like nobodies business. Why? Because we've been talking AT them and not TO them. We have become so savedsantifiedandfilledwiththeholyghost that we are unapproachable. We don't want to tell them that we've been a drug dealer or user. We don't want to tell them that we've had more sexual partners than we can recall. We don't want to tell them about the baby mama/daddy drama that we've been dealing with. We don't want to tell them what the consequences for our mistakes have been. NO! We want to show them what appears to be a finished product....and then treat them like failures when they can't figure out how to get there. We shoot them....instead of nursing them back to health.
We gotta stop killing off our wounded, because those are the people who are going to bring others to Christ. Maybe when we learn to stop killing off our wounded, people who are bearing their wounds silently won't be afraid to speak up. Someones salvation could be depending on it.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
You will not look like that AND have an attitude!
I was just about to get offline when I found this monstrosity over at mugshots.com. I can NOT take this!!!! Home girl CLEARLY lost the fight and has the nerve to be making that face when she's the one looking like a crackhead Sideshow Bob.
Honey, you don't get to look like that AND have the nerve to have an attitude! How am I supposed to go on with my day?! ***busts a gut laughing*** I bet I know who the fight was with though...
Stick a fork in me.....I am DONE!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Barbra
For those of you who don't know. I am a production manager at an inbound call center that sets up new accounts for a television provider. The office looks a little something like this
but a lot bigger.
I'm sure we can all relate to having annoying coworkers. For the most part, you do your best to stay away from them. I mean, it's bad enough that you have to work at all, but to have to work in close quarters with someone who makes you cringe at the very sight of them coming is the worst. Well, the rules are a little different when you're a manager.....as some of you can attest to. When you're a manager, you don't get to avoid anybody. You have to treat everyone, relatively, the same. Problem is, the turn over rate is high at my job (for reasons that I'll get into another day). Out of the 25 employees under the management of myself and my comanager, nine of them have been there 5 months or more (we call them all-stars) and the rest of them (16) have been there less than 90 days (we call them newbies). I said all that to say, I try not to get attached to any of the newbies. I mean, why waste your time getting to know someone who you're going to have to either fire or listen to an "I quit" speech from in the next few weeks?
So, even though I'm nice to everyone, I choose to invest more conversation into the all-stars. I mean, these are people who like and want to keep their jobs...they ain't gon quit on me next week. You feel me? I know it sounds messed up but like I said...I'm nice to everyone and I fulfill my job description with everyone equally. I'm just saying that I only laugh and chit chat with about 3 people on my shift....all of which are all-stars. The problem with that is that we always have a couple of newbies who are like freshmen in high school trying to get in with the cool clique. Barbra is one of those people.
Now Barbra is a really nice lady. But she's clearly not "all there". And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to notice that something is not quite right about her. She doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the team for a few reasons. 1st of all, Barbra is middle aged...I'm talking between 53 and 58 and I'm being generous. The age range for my team is 18-35. So that immediately makes her somewhat of a misfit on the team. It's unfortunate...but it's true. I can always tell when someone is a misfit and I try to go out of my way to make sure I'm available to them if they need help, because I believe that everyone is a valuable part of the team.***side eye*** One time, Barbra was having a really rough day and I took her to the side and did some role playing with her and coached her on some calls. Now this is part of my job, in fact it's my favorite part because this is where I get to use my degree. However, pulling people off the phones when they're having a rough day helps me out too becuase when their close rate sucks....my paycheck sucks.
Barbra GREATLY appreciated the help that day and ever since then, I've been her favorite person. She goes out of her way to talk to me when she comes in...and I mean, that's cool.....but she speaks to me EV-ER-Y time I walk past her over the course of her shift......which gets to be a little annoying after a while. Also, she has a tendency to sneak up on you. I mean...she'll be on the other side of the room when I glance up from my computer and then by the time I look at my computer and glance back up, she's right behind me!! And she doesn't keep the appropriate social distance between herself and me. She literally breathes down my back. She stands so close to me that I can hear her brain thinking of what to say. I'm not one one those people that are really particular about my personal space but...homegirl is like...
and I'm like...
Now I know that everyone doesn't have a degree in interpersonal communications and therefore have not been thoroughly educated on proximics like yours truly. ***clears throat and sits up in chair proudly***. HOWEVER, I would think that knowing how close is too close would be common knowledge. Well apparently not cuz Barbra has invaded my personal space several times and has even, on occasion, found her way into my intimate space.
Another problem is that Barbra is always offering me food! I can't tell if it's her grandmotherly nature or if she's trying to feed her way into my heart. Now, don't get me wrong, this is a nice gesture and all and I definitely LOVE to eat, but Barbra doesn't offer candy or chips. Barbra cooks full course meals and then wants to come to work and offer it to me.
One day she came in and asked me if I wanted some of her beans!!!! I kid you NOT! LOL I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't eat everybody's cooking and Barbra has made a point of telling me stories about her MULTIPLE cats on a more than a few occassions. Even besides the fact that I'm allergic to cats (especially unkept cats), it's hard to think about ingesting food from a house that looks like this...
Like I said, I don't want to be rude to her but my job is stressful at times and Barbra can't take a hint when I don't feel like talking. She also has a tendency to ask extremely personal questions. For example, last week I was sending a text on my cell and Barbra aske me who I was texting and then seriously waited for a reply. I gave her a smile and walked away.
I'm telling yall about Barbra for two reasons. Number one...becuase it's funny! LOL And number two...because there's something about her. You can tell that Barbra has been a misfit her whole life and she really doesn't mean any harm....she just wants to be liked and appreciated. She reminds me on a daily basis to "Reach Beyond Myself", which is what my Pastor has been calling all of us to do in 2009. Every time I think about snapping on her or being mean, I remember that I'm representing Christ everywhere I go...and especially on my job. Who knows what Barbra is going through on a daily basis. I'm learning that as a minister, I have to use every available opportunity for ministry and sometimes ministering to someone can be as simple as being nice to someone who is treated as an outcast. You never know, God could be using me as a gateway to him. If he is, and I miss the opportunity, I'm going to be held accountable for that. So be nice to people....even when you don't feel like it. You never know how God will move.
but a lot bigger.
I'm sure we can all relate to having annoying coworkers. For the most part, you do your best to stay away from them. I mean, it's bad enough that you have to work at all, but to have to work in close quarters with someone who makes you cringe at the very sight of them coming is the worst. Well, the rules are a little different when you're a manager.....as some of you can attest to. When you're a manager, you don't get to avoid anybody. You have to treat everyone, relatively, the same. Problem is, the turn over rate is high at my job (for reasons that I'll get into another day). Out of the 25 employees under the management of myself and my comanager, nine of them have been there 5 months or more (we call them all-stars) and the rest of them (16) have been there less than 90 days (we call them newbies). I said all that to say, I try not to get attached to any of the newbies. I mean, why waste your time getting to know someone who you're going to have to either fire or listen to an "I quit" speech from in the next few weeks?
So, even though I'm nice to everyone, I choose to invest more conversation into the all-stars. I mean, these are people who like and want to keep their jobs...they ain't gon quit on me next week. You feel me? I know it sounds messed up but like I said...I'm nice to everyone and I fulfill my job description with everyone equally. I'm just saying that I only laugh and chit chat with about 3 people on my shift....all of which are all-stars. The problem with that is that we always have a couple of newbies who are like freshmen in high school trying to get in with the cool clique. Barbra is one of those people.
Now Barbra is a really nice lady. But she's clearly not "all there". And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to notice that something is not quite right about her. She doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the team for a few reasons. 1st of all, Barbra is middle aged...I'm talking between 53 and 58 and I'm being generous. The age range for my team is 18-35. So that immediately makes her somewhat of a misfit on the team. It's unfortunate...but it's true. I can always tell when someone is a misfit and I try to go out of my way to make sure I'm available to them if they need help, because I believe that everyone is a valuable part of the team.***side eye*** One time, Barbra was having a really rough day and I took her to the side and did some role playing with her and coached her on some calls. Now this is part of my job, in fact it's my favorite part because this is where I get to use my degree. However, pulling people off the phones when they're having a rough day helps me out too becuase when their close rate sucks....my paycheck sucks.
Barbra GREATLY appreciated the help that day and ever since then, I've been her favorite person. She goes out of her way to talk to me when she comes in...and I mean, that's cool.....but she speaks to me EV-ER-Y time I walk past her over the course of her shift......which gets to be a little annoying after a while. Also, she has a tendency to sneak up on you. I mean...she'll be on the other side of the room when I glance up from my computer and then by the time I look at my computer and glance back up, she's right behind me!! And she doesn't keep the appropriate social distance between herself and me. She literally breathes down my back. She stands so close to me that I can hear her brain thinking of what to say. I'm not one one those people that are really particular about my personal space but...homegirl is like...
and I'm like...
Now I know that everyone doesn't have a degree in interpersonal communications and therefore have not been thoroughly educated on proximics like yours truly. ***clears throat and sits up in chair proudly***. HOWEVER, I would think that knowing how close is too close would be common knowledge. Well apparently not cuz Barbra has invaded my personal space several times and has even, on occasion, found her way into my intimate space.
Another problem is that Barbra is always offering me food! I can't tell if it's her grandmotherly nature or if she's trying to feed her way into my heart. Now, don't get me wrong, this is a nice gesture and all and I definitely LOVE to eat, but Barbra doesn't offer candy or chips. Barbra cooks full course meals and then wants to come to work and offer it to me.
One day she came in and asked me if I wanted some of her beans!!!! I kid you NOT! LOL I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't eat everybody's cooking and Barbra has made a point of telling me stories about her MULTIPLE cats on a more than a few occassions. Even besides the fact that I'm allergic to cats (especially unkept cats), it's hard to think about ingesting food from a house that looks like this...
Like I said, I don't want to be rude to her but my job is stressful at times and Barbra can't take a hint when I don't feel like talking. She also has a tendency to ask extremely personal questions. For example, last week I was sending a text on my cell and Barbra aske me who I was texting and then seriously waited for a reply. I gave her a smile and walked away.
I'm telling yall about Barbra for two reasons. Number one...becuase it's funny! LOL And number two...because there's something about her. You can tell that Barbra has been a misfit her whole life and she really doesn't mean any harm....she just wants to be liked and appreciated. She reminds me on a daily basis to "Reach Beyond Myself", which is what my Pastor has been calling all of us to do in 2009. Every time I think about snapping on her or being mean, I remember that I'm representing Christ everywhere I go...and especially on my job. Who knows what Barbra is going through on a daily basis. I'm learning that as a minister, I have to use every available opportunity for ministry and sometimes ministering to someone can be as simple as being nice to someone who is treated as an outcast. You never know, God could be using me as a gateway to him. If he is, and I miss the opportunity, I'm going to be held accountable for that. So be nice to people....even when you don't feel like it. You never know how God will move.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Survey of Complete Randomness
I was bored at work....Enjoy!
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?: Depends on what you mean by abusive.....perhaps....
What do you think about screamo?: ***googles the word"screamo" then returns*** No I don't think so.
If you could have any superpower, what would it be?: Invisibility....hands down
When was the last time you were sick (had an illness)?: I'm ill everyday cuz I'm fly like that.....oh....you mean like a cold or something....a couple of months ago lol
Do you ever wish on a flying star?: No, usually by the time I figure out what it is AND THEN remember that you're supposed to make a wish....it's too late
Have you ever been to another country?: Yes
If you could visit any country, which one would it be?: Italy....I love pizza! lol
What's the desktop background on your computer?: A picture of my two godsons and my nephew
If you were any utensil, which one would you be?: A corkscrew....cuz I like to get the party started. ***side eye B-Mizz***
Do you live in a small town?: Yep
Are you female?: Yep
Do you give up easily?: Depends on what it is and how interested I am. If I'm passionate about it...then no.
Are you an optimist, realist, or pessimist?: definitely a realist
When's the last time you were scared?: I don't remember
Why'd you cry the last time you did?: I was sad lol
What are looking forward to tomorrow?: Sleeping in
Do you believe that all good and bad times pass?: I believe that we grow through seasons
When's the last time you saw fireworks?: ***side eye B-Mizz then cuts to the other side for Keeya*** July 4
Do you like to be first or last?: Depends on what we're talking about...I'm a leader by nature
Are you a good reader?: Well......I would hope so
What's bothering you at the moment?: These people at my job talking extra loud for no reason
Are you normally a happy person?: yea......until I'm not lol
Do you know any people who play the victim?: Hecks yea....can't stand it.
Do you have an iPod?: As a matter of fact I do
What's your favorite song?: "As We Lay" the Shirley Murdock version. Not that slowed down crap Kelly Price did. And Written All Over Your Face by Rude Boys f/ Gerald Levert
Tell me the last word in the last song you listened to.: "clown"......don't ask lol
Can you let other people win?: I try not to lol lol
How do you feel about country music?: Some of it is cool
Do you ever fight with someone and know you're wrong but continue to fight?: All the time.....
What's something you want?: I want to always be in the will of God.
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Survey found on Bzoink
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?: Depends on what you mean by abusive.....perhaps....
What do you think about screamo?: ***googles the word"screamo" then returns*** No I don't think so.
If you could have any superpower, what would it be?: Invisibility....hands down
When was the last time you were sick (had an illness)?: I'm ill everyday cuz I'm fly like that.....oh....you mean like a cold or something....a couple of months ago lol
Do you ever wish on a flying star?: No, usually by the time I figure out what it is AND THEN remember that you're supposed to make a wish....it's too late
Have you ever been to another country?: Yes
If you could visit any country, which one would it be?: Italy....I love pizza! lol
What's the desktop background on your computer?: A picture of my two godsons and my nephew
If you were any utensil, which one would you be?: A corkscrew....cuz I like to get the party started. ***side eye B-Mizz***
Do you live in a small town?: Yep
Are you female?: Yep
Do you give up easily?: Depends on what it is and how interested I am. If I'm passionate about it...then no.
Are you an optimist, realist, or pessimist?: definitely a realist
When's the last time you were scared?: I don't remember
Why'd you cry the last time you did?: I was sad lol
What are looking forward to tomorrow?: Sleeping in
Do you believe that all good and bad times pass?: I believe that we grow through seasons
When's the last time you saw fireworks?: ***side eye B-Mizz then cuts to the other side for Keeya*** July 4
Do you like to be first or last?: Depends on what we're talking about...I'm a leader by nature
Are you a good reader?: Well......I would hope so
What's bothering you at the moment?: These people at my job talking extra loud for no reason
Are you normally a happy person?: yea......until I'm not lol
Do you know any people who play the victim?: Hecks yea....can't stand it.
Do you have an iPod?: As a matter of fact I do
What's your favorite song?: "As We Lay" the Shirley Murdock version. Not that slowed down crap Kelly Price did. And Written All Over Your Face by Rude Boys f/ Gerald Levert
Tell me the last word in the last song you listened to.: "clown"......don't ask lol
Can you let other people win?: I try not to lol lol
How do you feel about country music?: Some of it is cool
Do you ever fight with someone and know you're wrong but continue to fight?: All the time.....
What's something you want?: I want to always be in the will of God.
Take This Survey | Search Surveys | MySpace Surveys
Survey found on Bzoink
Friday, January 16, 2009
The Price We Pay
Have you ever done something that you knew was outside of God's will for your life? I mean, it's one thing to do something because you didn't realize it wasn't right for you. But it's an entirely different thing to knowingly do something that God is not pleased with. Let me go ahead and break it down.
***DISCLAIMER***IT'S ABOUT TO GET REAL IN E.M. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE REAL....NOW IS THE TIME TO LEAVE!
Now that I got that out of the way, let me tell you a story. Picture it....
I came from a wholesome, God fearing family. I accepted Christ in the pardon of my sins at a very young age (I didn't get delivered until years later, but that's another story for a different day). I made good grades throughout school and graduated in the academically gifted program, all the while maintaining a healthy social life. That's still me today. I'm about my business for the most part, but I love hanging out with friends and being out and about. I said ALL THAT to say that I'm well-rounded. You know...the type of woman that men take home to mama...and let me just say, for the record, I've never met a mother that didn't like me.
I've always had conflicting taste in men. See, I'll only get serious about this guy....
But I secretly have a thing for this type...
Trouble is, I can't take that guy home to the family. The other problem is that my brother was that type (may he rest in peace). So, I know that that lifestyle will only get you locked up, dead, or both and I don't want to have to bury my boyfriend, fiance, or husband...........and I FA SHO ain't the one to be being faithful to a man doing 15 to life. Anyway, this is a story about my relationship with a guy I will affectionately refer to as Tyson.
I 1st met Tyson a couple of years ago...he's a relative of a friend (1st mistake). He was cool and everything, but I never gave him a second look since he was 1st of all related to my home girl and 2nd of all was 2 years younger than me (2nd mistake). Well, one day, we were hanging out and she "randomly" threw it out there that he had a crush on me. I thought it was cute, but paid it no attention at all. I mean...this was not a distant relative of hers....this was a CLOSE relative and I would hate to fall out with a friend because I broke her younger relative's heart. A few months later, she "randomly" threw it out there that if I WAS interested in him, she (as his relative) wouldn't have a problem with us dating. I now know that she was setting the thing up the whole time because ever since that day, I couldn't go to her house and chill without Ty being there. I mean seriously...if she and I were hanging out, at some point, we were going to cross paths with him. He finally got up the nerve to ask me if he could call me and the more I talked to him, the more I got to know him. As it turned out, even though he was into this...
and carried a one of these...
he was actually a sweetheart who was into walks along the canal, good conversation, and holding hands. I mean...a real "flowers-and-candy" type of guy who had been cheated on by his ex. We became good friends, and as long as it was just that...everything was good. Problem is, the more time we spent together, the more we actually started to have real feelings for each other. We had a magnetic attraction....I was the positive charge and he was the negative.
And I mean that literally....I couldn't stay away from him. We went on like this for a few months. Then I started hearing God tell me that this was not what he had for me. Now I don't know about y'all, but when God speaks directly to me about something, I don't feel right until I move on whatever it is he spoke to me about. So, I broke it off with him citing "irreconcilable differences". He was upset about it, but respected my decision, and that was it...or so I thought. I knew I made the right decision but I missed him....heck, even cried for him. But instead of trusting the word from The Lord as it came to me.....I did what Eve did in the Garden of Eden...I had a meeting with the devil and didn't invite God to it!
Allow me to refresh your memory for a second...
God told Adam, "but you must not eat the fruit from the tree which gives the knowledge of good and evil. If you ever eat fruit from that tree, you will die!" (Genesis 2:17) Eve knew this. But what did she do? She had a meeting with the Devil
And it went a little something like this
1 Now the snake was the most clever of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day the snake said to the woman, "Did God really say that you must not eat fruit from any tree in the garden?"
2 The woman answered the snake, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden.
3 But God told us, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden. You must not even touch it, or you will die.' "
4 But the snake said to the woman, "You will not die.
5 God knows that if you eat the fruit from that tree, you will learn about good and evil and you will be like God!"
6 The woman saw that the tree was beautiful, that its fruit was good to eat, and that it would make her wise. So she took some of its fruit and ate it. She also gave some of the fruit to her husband who was with her, and he ate it. ~Genesis 3:1-6
We ALL know what happened after that! And if you don't know you can find out here.
My meeting with the devil took the same course. The conversation went a little something like this.
Devil: Hey Mik, did God tell you that you COULDN'T have Tyson in your life at all?
Mikki: God told me to stay away from him.
Devil: But he didn't say you couldn't just be friends with him...did he?
Mikki: Well, not exactly.....but in so many words...
Devil: Well if he didn't say that exactly, then he didn't mean that. He just meant romantically......he doesn't want you to be ROMANTICALLY involved with Ty. He knows how much you care about Ty and how unhappy you are without him. Do you really think God wants you to be unhappy?
Mikki: Well I guess not. I guess one phone call won't hurt.
I had no idea how wrong I was. Let the record show that ONE PHONE CALL CAN HURT! Before I knew it, we were picking up right where we left off. And while my flesh was happy, my spiritual man was dehydrated. It's hard to be close to God when you are deliberately disobeying him. And since disobedience aborts the promises of God in your life, I felt myself getting farther and farther away from my destiny. But I STILL wasn't sure if I wanted to let him go. I mean...I had fallen for him. I wasn't even interested in anyone else. So this is how the story ended...
He, all of a sudden, became very insecure about my feelings for him. He was always saying he didn't know what I saw in him and questioning whether or not I actually cared for him. Now to a certain extent, this was to be expected because of the broken heart he was carrying around from his previous relationship. But after a while, I got tired of trying to convince him that I wasn't playing games with him. One day, he asked me to move in with him and after some thought (yes, I seriously thought about it!), I declined. Well, I guess that was the last straw. He decided that it was his time to move on, because in his mind...we were going nowhere. And with that....it was over.
I knew that God had strategically removed him from my life, and I knew I had some repenting to do. How could I have deliberately disobeyed God? Why didn't I trust God enough to do what he said? How could I have let the devil get in my head like that? Why was satisfying my flesh more important than staying on the path God distinctly mapped out for me? Thank you God for delivering me from that because I was on my way OUT of the will of God completely.
The moral of the story? When the devil starts talking to you, invite God to the meeting! Don't let the devil control the conversation. All you have to do is say the name of Jesus. It's that simple.
***DISCLAIMER***IT'S ABOUT TO GET REAL IN E.M. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE REAL....NOW IS THE TIME TO LEAVE!
Now that I got that out of the way, let me tell you a story. Picture it....
I came from a wholesome, God fearing family. I accepted Christ in the pardon of my sins at a very young age (I didn't get delivered until years later, but that's another story for a different day). I made good grades throughout school and graduated in the academically gifted program, all the while maintaining a healthy social life. That's still me today. I'm about my business for the most part, but I love hanging out with friends and being out and about. I said ALL THAT to say that I'm well-rounded. You know...the type of woman that men take home to mama...and let me just say, for the record, I've never met a mother that didn't like me.
I've always had conflicting taste in men. See, I'll only get serious about this guy....
But I secretly have a thing for this type...
Trouble is, I can't take that guy home to the family. The other problem is that my brother was that type (may he rest in peace). So, I know that that lifestyle will only get you locked up, dead, or both and I don't want to have to bury my boyfriend, fiance, or husband...........and I FA SHO ain't the one to be being faithful to a man doing 15 to life. Anyway, this is a story about my relationship with a guy I will affectionately refer to as Tyson.
I 1st met Tyson a couple of years ago...he's a relative of a friend (1st mistake). He was cool and everything, but I never gave him a second look since he was 1st of all related to my home girl and 2nd of all was 2 years younger than me (2nd mistake). Well, one day, we were hanging out and she "randomly" threw it out there that he had a crush on me. I thought it was cute, but paid it no attention at all. I mean...this was not a distant relative of hers....this was a CLOSE relative and I would hate to fall out with a friend because I broke her younger relative's heart. A few months later, she "randomly" threw it out there that if I WAS interested in him, she (as his relative) wouldn't have a problem with us dating. I now know that she was setting the thing up the whole time because ever since that day, I couldn't go to her house and chill without Ty being there. I mean seriously...if she and I were hanging out, at some point, we were going to cross paths with him. He finally got up the nerve to ask me if he could call me and the more I talked to him, the more I got to know him. As it turned out, even though he was into this...
and carried a one of these...
he was actually a sweetheart who was into walks along the canal, good conversation, and holding hands. I mean...a real "flowers-and-candy" type of guy who had been cheated on by his ex. We became good friends, and as long as it was just that...everything was good. Problem is, the more time we spent together, the more we actually started to have real feelings for each other. We had a magnetic attraction....I was the positive charge and he was the negative.
And I mean that literally....I couldn't stay away from him. We went on like this for a few months. Then I started hearing God tell me that this was not what he had for me. Now I don't know about y'all, but when God speaks directly to me about something, I don't feel right until I move on whatever it is he spoke to me about. So, I broke it off with him citing "irreconcilable differences". He was upset about it, but respected my decision, and that was it...or so I thought. I knew I made the right decision but I missed him....heck, even cried for him. But instead of trusting the word from The Lord as it came to me.....I did what Eve did in the Garden of Eden...I had a meeting with the devil and didn't invite God to it!
Allow me to refresh your memory for a second...
God told Adam, "but you must not eat the fruit from the tree which gives the knowledge of good and evil. If you ever eat fruit from that tree, you will die!" (Genesis 2:17) Eve knew this. But what did she do? She had a meeting with the Devil
And it went a little something like this
1 Now the snake was the most clever of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day the snake said to the woman, "Did God really say that you must not eat fruit from any tree in the garden?"
2 The woman answered the snake, "We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden.
3 But God told us, 'You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden. You must not even touch it, or you will die.' "
4 But the snake said to the woman, "You will not die.
5 God knows that if you eat the fruit from that tree, you will learn about good and evil and you will be like God!"
6 The woman saw that the tree was beautiful, that its fruit was good to eat, and that it would make her wise. So she took some of its fruit and ate it. She also gave some of the fruit to her husband who was with her, and he ate it. ~Genesis 3:1-6
We ALL know what happened after that! And if you don't know you can find out here.
My meeting with the devil took the same course. The conversation went a little something like this.
Devil: Hey Mik, did God tell you that you COULDN'T have Tyson in your life at all?
Mikki: God told me to stay away from him.
Devil: But he didn't say you couldn't just be friends with him...did he?
Mikki: Well, not exactly.....but in so many words...
Devil: Well if he didn't say that exactly, then he didn't mean that. He just meant romantically......he doesn't want you to be ROMANTICALLY involved with Ty. He knows how much you care about Ty and how unhappy you are without him. Do you really think God wants you to be unhappy?
Mikki: Well I guess not. I guess one phone call won't hurt.
I had no idea how wrong I was. Let the record show that ONE PHONE CALL CAN HURT! Before I knew it, we were picking up right where we left off. And while my flesh was happy, my spiritual man was dehydrated. It's hard to be close to God when you are deliberately disobeying him. And since disobedience aborts the promises of God in your life, I felt myself getting farther and farther away from my destiny. But I STILL wasn't sure if I wanted to let him go. I mean...I had fallen for him. I wasn't even interested in anyone else. So this is how the story ended...
He, all of a sudden, became very insecure about my feelings for him. He was always saying he didn't know what I saw in him and questioning whether or not I actually cared for him. Now to a certain extent, this was to be expected because of the broken heart he was carrying around from his previous relationship. But after a while, I got tired of trying to convince him that I wasn't playing games with him. One day, he asked me to move in with him and after some thought (yes, I seriously thought about it!), I declined. Well, I guess that was the last straw. He decided that it was his time to move on, because in his mind...we were going nowhere. And with that....it was over.
I knew that God had strategically removed him from my life, and I knew I had some repenting to do. How could I have deliberately disobeyed God? Why didn't I trust God enough to do what he said? How could I have let the devil get in my head like that? Why was satisfying my flesh more important than staying on the path God distinctly mapped out for me? Thank you God for delivering me from that because I was on my way OUT of the will of God completely.
The moral of the story? When the devil starts talking to you, invite God to the meeting! Don't let the devil control the conversation. All you have to do is say the name of Jesus. It's that simple.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
My 1st Split Second Victory!
Last week, B-Mizz and I went to a restaraunt to help our friend, John, celebrate their birthday.
Now John is a good friend of ours but he has other friends of the opposite sex that we've been around before but don't really know. B-Mizz and I have felt hostility from these "ladies" ***cuts eye at B-Mizz*** before, but being the type of people we are, we passed it off as jealousy or some childish cattiness that we weren't going to enagage in. That been said, we go in and greet John with hugs and birthday love.
Meanwhile these "ladies" ***coughs profusely*** are looking at us like this.
Now B-Mizz peeps this and proceeds to sit down at the table directly across from them where one of our homeboys was sitting with another guy. Me, not wanting believe I really saw what I know I saw, give these "ladies" ***drops head*** a general hellohowyadoin and sat down. Of course they responded with fake smiles and hellos. At this point, I asked B-Mizz if she saw what I saw. She said "yes" and we both started cracking up. I mean this was straight haterism! Neither of us has ever had more than a thirty second conversation with two of these "ladies" ***walks out of the room for a second and then returns***...and can't recall seeing the third a day in our lives. So they have NO REASON to dislike us. Really, I wanted to address the situation right then, but it wasn't the time....nor the place. And quite frankly, it just wasn't that serious. In fact we had a great time reminicing with our homeboy who was at the table.
When the time comes to leave, we get up, hug John and give him more birthday love. Even though they had chosen to be rude to us, I decided not to dignify their behavior by compromising my classiness just to return that same cattiness to them. So, just like I spoke to them when I came in, I gave a general goodbyeseeyalater when I left. Well they all looked at me really fake (which I expected) but one of them (ironically, the one who we don't even recognize) gave me the nasty wave. You know...the "ugh...get out of my face" wave accompanied by the stankiest look ever!
God knows that everything in me wanted to pull one of these...
And he also knows that I've done it for less! Let me tell you...I was FURIOUS! I promise this was my facial expression EXACTLY!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Let me tell you, we almost had one of these going on in there...
But I stopped, and decided to quickly invite God that split second before I went there with her. I said goodbye to John and me and B-Mizz walked out. Now to you, this might not seem like a big thing, but for me...it's a huge step in the right direction. Real talk, I was still mad....but it really was a passing anger. We left and enjoyed the rest of our evening!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Inviting God Into Your Split Seconds
My temper has always been a little short. It's one of the things Channelle (my mom) says I get from Michael (my dad). Trouble is, this temper of mine has gotten me in several adverse situations over the course of my life. I can't tell you how many times I've done something in a fit of rage and had to go back and apologize for it later. And if I had a nickel for every time I've done what ol' girl is doing in the picture above (followed by throwing my phone across the room), I'd be filthy rich!
Anyway, God has been calling me to work on this for a long time now. He started to show me how every time I have one of these:
I get closer and closer to landing myself in front of one of these:
and consequently in one of these:
More importantly, The Bible says
"Don't be hasty in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools". Ecclesiastes 7:9
If God is Love and Love is slow to anger, then God and Anger cannot BOTH rest in one place at the same time.
The Bible also says
"Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God has God living inside, and that person lives in God". 1 John 4:15
If that's the case, then every time I allow anger to take over, I'm essentially giving God the boot....and that's just not ok with me. I started praying about how and where to start this journey of self-improvement.
That's when heard a family member talk about making split second decisions and how if we could just learn to give God our split seconds...we wouldn't find ourselves in a lot of the situations we get in. It was like an epiphany!
I don't think she really knew just how profound what she said really was, but it resonated in my spirit immediately. Think about it....How many times have your explanations for regretted behavior started with the phrase "It all happened so fast..." Did it really happen fast or is it just that you didn't invite God into the situation with the few seconds you had? For me, it's usually the latter.
If we can master inviting God into that split second, you know....right before you proceed to tear someone a new one, then the anger you feel will have to be transient....since God and Anger can not both REST in the same place. So, 2009, for me is about inviting God into those split seconds. This is gon be an interesting journey y'all...Pray for me!
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