TwelveTwentyThreeEleven

I haven't really blogged in a while. There are several different reasons for that....reasons I won't get into right now. But I'm kind of in a reflective mood today, so I decided to put my thoughts in ink...

It's funny how life comes full circle. And the past year has been a tornado for me. I've had people come into my life, seemingly, out of nowhere. That's strange for me, because I normally keep people at a distance until I figure them out. That's the way I've always been. But for some reason, this year, I allowed a few new people to enter my heart without doing my due diligence to figure out their intentions. I wish I could say it's been all good and I'm glad I did it. That's not honest though....and my goal with this post is to be transparent. So, I'll be honest and say that I wish I had not allowed, at least, one of those people into my life at all....much less my heart. See... one of my biggest flaws is that I assume people say exactly what they mean and are exactly who they present themselves to be. I gotta stop doing that. If I've learned nothing else from this year, I've learned this: Most people will say anything to get you to do what they want you to do. And, people present themselves to be the people they desire to be...not, necessarily, the people they actually are. I know that sounds cynical and I hate to come off that way because it's really not a good color on me. But, that's real. You can't really give people credit for anything about their character. You have to make them earn it. And it doesn't really matter how you came to be acquainted with them. Remember, even the devil himself can quote the Word of God. That's all I'm going to say about that.

On friendship....

Life happens. People change. They just do. It happens for many different reasons. But, because people change, friendships evolve. The important thing to remember is that evolution does not necessarily mean dissolution. All good things come to an end. They either evolve into a new good thing or they end altogether. I've had some friendships evolve into new good things.... and I've had other friendships come to a screeching halt. I used to feel bitter about that. But I've learned that for everything, there is an appropriate season. Now, I accept the fact that...for whatever reason.... the friendship I had with these people is not appropriate for this season of our lives. I understand that doesn't mean we won't ever be friends again. And it's because of that understanding that I am able to let go graciously with the trust that God will reunite us in a season that will allow our friendship to flourish. And if that season never comes, that's ok too. I wish them well. That's all I'm saying about that.

On spirituality....

I love the Lord. He heard my cry. LoL. But seriously, he did. I've prayed over a lot of different things this year and while not all the things I've prayed for have come to pass yet, I know that God has heard every prayer. I understand that delay is not denial. But, more importantly, I understand that denial is not always punishment. There are some things that are just not meant to be. At this point in my life, I have complete trust in the will of God. I will not go unless he gives direction. I will not speak unless he gives me the words to say. No compromising. His will is where I need to be. There's nothing else to be said on that.

On health....

People that know me know I've had some struggles with my health this year. At one point, I was told I have MS. I have now, officially, been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Wow. I can't believe I'm sharing this like..this. It's something that I haven't even really shared with a lot of my family. It's not because I don't want anybody to know. It's because it's not that important. I know what you're thinking: "How could it not be important?" Well, it's not that important, because I'm in denial. (I told yall I was being transparent). The other reason I haven't shared it is because I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me or think of me as 'sick', because I don't think of myself that way. However, I do realize that this is something I need to let people in on so that they will understand why I'm always tired, why sometimes I really don't have the energy to do some of the things they ask me to do, and that the 'serious' look on my face is often just a reflection of the general fatigue I'm often feeling. I've declined to be put on 'uppers'. At this point, I don't believe I need them. That's not to say I never will. But right now, I don't. Here's the thing: I believe God. Not, necessarily, that he will take this thing away. But that he won't allow this to be debilitating for me. And that's all I need to say about that.

On romance...

You have to do what makes you happy. And you have to be ok with the fact that sometimes your friends won't 'get it'. But it's not for them to 'get'. Here's the thing: Stop telling people your business before you even figure it out yourself. I'm not going to tell you not to tell your friends everything. Tell them as much (or as little) as you want. If they're your friends, they won't judge you. But don't tell your friends your business before you figure it out yourself. Do with that whatever you want. That's all I'm saying about it.

Welp...my heart is clear. Have a Merry Christmas. And a Happy New Year. Hey...that rhymed! Good for me!

Be blessed :)